CHAOS

From some days now
There is something that has changed
One of my friend wants to know
What’s the matter with her friend
We both are concerned about each other
Maybe that’s why she cares for me so much
She told me last Friday and yesterday also
That there is something in me
Which hasn’t remained the same
But you know smiles have this magic to tell that you’re fine.
I can’t understand anything
Not just her, but Anything.
I don’t know how should I feel about it
Happy, sad, both or nothing
But what is there in Nothingness, I ask?
I can never forget
How I behaved the same in the spring of 2007
And it lingered for eight damn years
I never told anyone or him
What was happening with me
The same way it’s happening now.
My mother says true that some things never change
That some things just grow with time like mortals do
But she forgets the irony of Growing
She forgets some fears also grow.
From quite few days now
I have started wearing appearances
on my face to look better than my ugly state
I try wearing fine clothes now
Maybe because they hide something
Or maybe because I just want to look good
I see, I check my hair thousand times now
I pin up my hair more often now
I don’t want to look messy
That’s ironic
That everytime the New becomes like Old
When some New things are not really new
And I end up meeting the people
In weird points of their lives, always.
I’ll never tell anyone or him
How messed up I am.
It has been for quite few days
I have started feeling the same
And last time it didn’t end up good
Because she was better than me.
I fear some things
Because beginnings have endings.

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